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Monday, September 30

i'm bored. so are you, if you're reading this. here we go, amusement for all!

1) Full name: Chelsea Katrina Erola

2) If you could would you change your name? maybe, but what to?

3) If yes, then what would it be? umm.. didn't i just answer that?

4) Birthday: May 23, 1987

5) Would you rather be older or younger than you are? i'd prolly stay the same i'm at. i'm having fun building up experiences.

6) If yes then what age would you be?: spam

7) Last time you showered?: this morning

8) What color pants do you have on right now? jeans. with duct tape.

9) What is the last thing you said?: something along the lines of "okay, i'll go clean the bathroom.." um. i didn't do it yet. oops.

10) What song are you listening to right now?: simple plan - addicted. gotta love that emo!

11) Last thing you ate: aussie pie. yummm, frozen foods!

12) The weirdest thing I've ever eaten: um, whatever that milkshake was i made. it wasn't a milkshake. it was just evrything kinda liquidy i could find in my fridge. and i mean evrything.

13) If you could be any color crayon, what color would you be: oh wow that's a toughy. a bright one. neon green!

14) Last movie you saw? mine!! it wasn't so funny nemore, but i still like it

15) Where do you wanna go on your honeymoon? hawaii. cancun? anyplace tropical!

16) Have you ever really been in love? no. most people say i'm lucky, but i know i'm missing out

17) Who do you wanna marry right now? okay, i'm not that obsessive

18) Last book you read? queen of the damned. it's very... vampire-y

19) Do you have a pager?: me? carry electronic equipment? funny!

20) How many buddies on your buddy list? 91, but i talk to evry one of them (unlike most ppl i know)

21) Rate yourself (1-10, 1=low 10=high): i'm not high.. what? i don't get this question. so i'll say 5

22) What did you do last night?: i tweaked out to rammstein and talked to ryan on the phone. i miss him =(

23) What did you do today? school, homework, housework. mondays are always like this

24) Have you ever been skinny dipping?: not yet. but only 'cause it didn't work out last time

25) Who are you talking to online right now?: ricky, jake, and erin

26) Screen name: mine? skababy05. i need to change it

27) Biggest fear in life?: that i'm going to lose someone close to me

28) Sexiest thing about the opposite sex?: smile, hair, eyes, and if they have an eyebrow ring. no particular order

29) If you had a genie what wish would you make?: what i always wish for. to have all my friends where i can see them every day

30) Fav. CD: warped tour 2002 compilation. it's my only good one nemore

31) Where ya going tomorrow?: school

32) Who do you most admire?: mostly all the guys in my life, but most of all jake, 'cause he's the most recent one i've met

33) Who do you least admire?: ahh, i don't want to say, she might read this and i don't want to deal w/ that

34) Do you like the person who sent this to you?: sure i do. i love evryone!!

35) Would you ever get a tattoo?: i'm planning on it. sure i can't stand pain but i'll drug myself if i have to

36) Pierce your belly button? see above ^^^^^^

37) Be serious or funny?: funny. always funny

38) Boxers or briefs?: boxers. remember my goldfish theory?

39) Whole or Skim Milk?: skim

40) Single or taken? single by choice and not

41) Simple or complicated? complicated

42) Law or Anarchy?: anarchy. it's called putting chlorine in the gene pool. let the world fix its own problems.

43) Grey or Gray: both

44) Night or Day?: night, always. but i like daytime too, things are open then

45) Color or black-and-white photos?: oooh.. black and white's always nice, but it costs more to develope

46) Sunrise or Sunset? sunset. i've never actually watched the sunrise, just noticed it getting lighter

47) Rap or Rock?: haha. always rock

48) Stay up late or get up early?: both! sure it's painful but it's fun, in its own sick and twisted way

49) Bath or shower?: shower, but only 'cause my bathtub is icky

50) Is it POP or SODA?? i say soda most of the time. but both work

51) X or O in Tic-Tac-Toe?: x. it's more visible

52) Eat an apple or an orange?: apple. come on! i'm from washington!

53) What came first the chicken or the egg?: chicken. just 'cause

54) Tall or short guys/girls?: i like tall guys. but i'm short. so medium works out best

55) Sun or moon?: sun

56) Emerald or ruby?: emerald. my birthstone. ^_^

57) Pants or shorts? pants! i live in my jeans

58) Left or right?: right, 'cause it's always easier

59) 10 aquaintances or 1 best friend?: 10 aquaintances. that's how my life's been these days and it's working pretty well. tho i do miss my 3 best friends. =(

60) Vanilla or chocolate ice cream?: vanilla

61) Naughty or innocent?: a nice mix between the two

62) Green beans or carrots? : carrots! haha, carrots...

63) Low fat or fat free?: low fat, they use less of the fake stuff

64) Silver jewelry or gold jewelry?: silver, always silver

65) Big diamond or small?: small. i dunno, big diamonds just aren't attractive

66) Kids or no kids?: kids! i love 'em. but only if i can skip the first year. =)

67) Dogs or cats?: dogs. i've got nothing against cats.. but they're evil

68) Half full or half empty? half full

69) Mustard or Ketchup?: ketchup. mustard's only good in tuna

70) Hardcover books or soft cover books? soft, unless it's one of those monster thick ones

71) Been kissed?: i cry for those who haven't

72) Done drugs?: see above. you can't judge anything until you're talking from experience

73) Gotten drunk?: no, but i'm working on it

74) Been a complete glutton?: oh yeah. too many times

75) Been on stage?: haha... yeah i have. i was little red riding hood once

76) Had someone be unfaithful to you?: not that i'm aware of

77) Been in a car accident? no, that wouldn't count. so no.

78) Been pulled over?: yep. haha, it was funny stuff

79) Hiked a mountain?: yep

80) Stayed home on a Saturday night, just because? yep

Do you prefer.... waitasec, wasn't i just doing these??

81) Hot or cold?: cold

82) Lace or satin?: satin

83) Blue or red?: blue

84) Rain or snow?: rain, and i mean REAL rain. if it's that fake drizzle stuff we get here in washington, then snow. but lotsa snow.

85) Give or receive?: receive... yeah i know, i'm selfish

86) Private or public school?: public! how could anyone live in a private school??

87) Chocolate or plain milk?: neither?? okay, umm, chocolate

88) Spring or fall?: fall. i like crunching leaves

89) History or science?: science i guess. both are pretty boring

90) Rap or rock?: okay i'm pretty sure i already answered this. rock!

The opposite sex...

91) Do you like someone right now?: a couple, actually. what can i say? guys are fun

92) Do they know?: maybe, doesn't really matter either way

93) Does anyone like you?: yep. sometimes it gets pretty annoying

Friends...

94) Do you have a best friend?: i have 3! steph, jessika, and elaina. but we're not as close as i'd like to be. they're just the 3 most important ppl in my life

95) Who's your funniest friend?: oh wow. you're going to make me pick?? i'm only friends w/ funny ppl!

96) Who do you like to laugh with?: brenda, ryan, tuey, kate, mo, evan, josh, brian, rachel, anna, julie, derek, alice, anna choi, justin, joey, jessika, nessa, nathanael, william, tysson, matt, erin, elaina, jenny, nicole, cole, jake... okay i'll stop. i'm not kidding you evryone i know i laugh w/

97) Who makes you laugh the most?: the most? oh wow. william definitely

98) Who do you email the most?: i don't email much. prolly matt

99) Who is the meanest?: me

100) Who is the loudest?: oh wow.. umm.. elaina prolly. no definitely. definitely elaina

101) Who is the shyest?: brenda? or me

Within the last 24 hours...

102) Have you had a serious talk?: yeah, with ryan

103) Hugged someone?: i hug someone every day

104) Gotten along with your parents?: ummm... i don't know. they haven't been home

105) Laughed?: always

106) Cried?: yeah. when i was talking to ryan

107) Sang?: see 105

108) Prayed?: not technically

109) Talked out a fight?: again, not technically

Do you like to...

110) Give hugs?: of course! i love hugging people

111) Give back rubs?: i prefer receiving them, but i guess giving them isn't so bad. depends who i'm giving it to

112) Take walks in the rain?: only if it's really raining. as in, soaking downpour

113) Have you ever had a falling dream?: no, and i'm glad

114) What was your most recent dream?: .. well, now that you'd asked, i have no clue

115) What was the last CD you bought?: 2002 warped tour compilation. tho i didn't buy it so n/m... our lady peace, clumsy. i miss that cd =(

116) What kind of gum do you chew?: wrigley's winterfresh

117) How do you plan on spending the next summer? juggling a job and social life for the first half, and elaina's and camp for the second half

Do you think that...

118) People like you as a person? yeah, i know they do. it's just hard to really convince myself

119) You are respected among your peers? sometimes, but for the most part, no. i'm just the dumb blond, weird kid, whatever ya want to call it

120) You depend too much on what others think about you? sometimes. it's like a mini bipolar. sometimes i do, sometimes i don't

okay! all done! hope ya know me better after all this. =)


Wednesday, September 4

sometimes i really have to wonder what God's got against me. i know, i know, that's irrational thinking. nothing bad that ever happens to me can be blamed on God. of course everything good is by His will, but i won't get into how fucked that is.

i really can't stand my life right now. sometimes i wish i never had to come home, but of course that's out of the question. i don't have the right personality to leave, fuck however mad my parents are. just like i can't be anorexic - i love food too much - and i could never be bulimic - i can't stand the idea of throwing up on purpose. i just don't have a self-abusive personality. and i'm not careless, carefree, or whatever people have accused me of being. i care too much, that's the problem. i can't willingly abandon the people in my life.

it happened again today. one of those talks that i've come to know so well. the first one i remember clearly was when we were in idaho. jenny was over at our house. my parents told her to leave. i bitched and whined, of course, but eventually she left and we all sat down to have a family discussion. i found out that night that my dad had been fired and we were moving back to washington. today i was washing my shoes in the sink when my mom told me to turn off my music so she could talk to brent and me. she's losing her job in 7 months. the economy's shit and her company is packing up and moving to texas. her entire accounting department is going to be jobless in 7 months. which means our health insurance will go up and there'll be even less money to pay for it.

my dad's trying to get a teaching job down at devry university for the evenings or weekends. my mom's going to look for a part-time job as well. this is shit! brent's going to college next year. two kids at college! they might have to stay at home and commute to college, and pardon me for bitching and only thinking about myself, but i was really looking forward to having the house to myself all the time.

grandpa walter had a heart attack in finland. grandpa bill is sick and slowly dying, losing his memory too. now he's broke and has no money to pay for the expenses either. so he might get to come live with us for a while when scott goes back to college.

so how am i supposed to deal with this? first, as soon as my mom gets off the phone, i'm calling jeff and going off w/ him for the night. get totally wasted. in the long run, i'm going to save my money. that's all there is to it. half of whatever i get goes straight to the bank. i'm going to try to get more babysitting jobs, definitely. i wish i could get a real job, but no one hires a 15 year old.

i can't think anymore. it's too much. i've found all this out in the last week or so, and i haven't tried to think it over. endless talks about what's wrong, and i'm not even allowed to discuss it with my friends. but i have to write it down, and know someone else might be able to get the gist of what i'm going through. because honest to God, this sucks. i'm gonna go call jeff now.

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